Green

Music moves me in ways that when I'm not sure how I'm feeling at times, it explains exactly what I'm feeling. Lately, I've been kind of hooked on John Mayer. I have never really been a fan of his, but Annie put the album "Continuum" in one night when we were driving, and it's been in there ever since. I LOVE the lyrics to many of his songs, but this one in particular hit me like a brick as I realized it was me right now. I feel I have even moved past this now, but at the time was so perfect. It's definately a process!

"In Repair"

by: John Mayer

Too many shadows in my room

Too many hours in this midnight

Too many corners in my mind

So much to do to set my heart right

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready

Oh but if i take my heart's advice I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while

To wait for the wind to blow down on me

Hoping it takes with it my old ways

And brings some brand new look upon me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready

Oh but if i take my heart's advice I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i'm walking in a park

All of the birds they dance below me

Maybe when things turn green again

It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready

Oh but if i take my heart's advice I should assume it's still unready

Oh i'm never really ready, i'm never really ready

I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there

I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there

Grateful affirmations lately:

• Annie
• Angela
• Kayla
• Shawn
• Sweet baby stomp stomp Tyler
• 2 Nephi 4 - EXACTLY what I needed to hear this morning! I highlighted almost the entire thing
• SLEEP!!
• My bed - it's the best bed in the whole world!
• My profession - I love it
• Jason

Weekend Blessings

This weekend I was grateful for:

1. AGAIN - not being rear-ended on the way to Lamb of God. We were stopped and the car behind us had just come to a stop when the car behind him slammed into him. Thank heavens they didn't come sliding in to our car....What a blessing.

2. I finished my week of workouts on Sat. and was so grateful today that I did not have to workout!! It has made me appreciate my rest time that much more.

3. I was able to see the premiere performance of Lamb of God, written, composed, and directed by Rob Gardner who is just brilliant. What an amazing spiritual piece of work. It helped strengthen my testimony of the Savior. My favorite song: I am the Resurrection. It was so neat to see the East Valley Mormon Choir once again - they are spectacular. And I swear I heard Karin's voice in the first song loud and clear!

4. Annie and I made breakfast Saturday morning, and all 3 of us watched Ocean's 11 and took a nap. I treasured every second!

5. I am grateful for my freedom - to live in this wonderful country, the United States of America. It's an honor and blessing. I remembered the 9/11 attacks, and I will never forget.

6. Today at church Ryan Baxter leaned over to his mom during the sacrament and simply said, "I love you." Made me smile - what an angel.

7. I'm grateful for beautiful music and the spirit it makes me feel.

8. I'm grateful for the opportunity to teach Gospel Doctrine.

9. Good friends, good food, good times - and I got to see Ash tonight. I love her.

Let's make it an even 10....

10. My 2 week break from clinic starts tomorrow :)

Get out of this funk!

I'm trying to get myself out of the funk I've been in lately. It's been pretty bad and I've been trying everything - reading my scriptures, praying, and going to the temple a lot! Another thing I'm going to do is write and post about what I am grateful for during that day. I feel that this will help me live more in the moment and appreciate where I am at right now. So here is what I am grateful for TODAY:

1. I'm so GRATEFUL that I was not rear-ended this morning in traffic! The guy behind me was looking at the accident on the side of the freeway, and I watched him in my rearview mirror as he was about to come crashing in to the back of my car. Thank heavens he slammed on his brakes and came probably 2 inches from me. Thankyou Thankyou!!

2. I was able to help several of my students today sitting chairside with them and telling and showing them how to scale better. I know several had light bulb moments today, and that is such a great feeling knowing that I was apart of that.

3. One of my students introduced me to her dad today who was in her dental chair, and she said, "This is my favorite instructor". Aw, such a great feeling.

4. I was told many times today, "thankyou" and "I appreciate it".

4. It was my last day of clinic for 2 weeks and it was a really great day. Very productive, busy, and active but no real problems that made me want to pull my hair out! I love teaching!

5. When I got home from work, Annie had the kitchen sparkling clean - that's a nice feeling!

6. Tonight I completed day 15 of the 30 day shred. I am halfway there to my goal of working out with Jillian 30 days in a row! I did the last minute of abs and only rested once which is a miracle. I did 15 of the plank twists and have not been able to do many at all thus far. My endurance is getting better already! I am feeling great, but she kicks my butt everytime!

7. And...Dez had her baby girl tonight!! She texted me before she even held her yet. I can't imagine the joy she is feeling after waiting 9 long years for this miracle of hers. Gives me hope!!

Broken

Oh time -
Heal my broken heart.
I will pick up the pieces
if you will fuse each piece
one by one by one
back together again.

Not too fast,
don't get too close
you don't want to smell,
hear, see, the hole
of this festering wound.

Fly me away
far from this place.
This place called me.
Atleast let me hide
for now, until this
cloud of dark, desolate
despair passes over...