Broken

Oh time -
Heal my broken heart.
I will pick up the pieces
if you will fuse each piece
one by one by one
back together again.

Not too fast,
don't get too close
you don't want to smell,
hear, see, the hole
of this festering wound.

Fly me away
far from this place.
This place called me.
Atleast let me hide
for now, until this
cloud of dark, desolate
despair passes over...

Our FAVORITE show!

Last night we went saw our absolute favorite show, WICKED! It was spectacular! The first time we saw it was in LA about 2 yrs. ago right after Christmas, and Jason & I both fell in love with it. Probably for about a year after that, I had the CD in my car at all times and practically wore the thing out! The music, the costumes, the acting, it's all wonderful! :)

As we were walking up to the theatre, we ran into Carly & Channon, some friends that we seem to run into at random places - like in Las Vegas 6 months ago at the Bellagio hotel. It was SO windy last night, and as you can imagine, it's really pleasant having scalding HOT hair blowing in your face full force. I was thinking, why did I even bother with my hair?? haha!

Here is Mr. WICKED himself. Anyone that knows Jason, knows that he LOVES watches! This is his latest "baby" that his parents got him for his birthday. He actually named it WICKED and so he got to showcase it last night. haha! He cracks me up!

Here is a close-up of "WICKED", hahaha!

Just getting ready for the show to begin. Our tickets couldn't have been better. We were 18th row, dead center! Thanks to Jeff for letting us buy them last October during the pre-sale for season ticket holders. We had a great night!

I'm sure we'll be seeing this many more times in the future. Can't get enough!

Weekend Fun

Well this about sums it up! hahaha! I'm laughing so hard looking at these pictures of Jason, he's such a goof! On Sunday we went over to my mom's and had dinner. She promised Lucy Casserole and Apple pie to Jason and Craig for all their help with moving in grandpa's furniture. He has recently moved in with her, and they are both doing so great! It's so neat to see them both happy and in good spirits!

My mom has an isqueez which is a leg and foot massager that all of us kids bought for my mom a couple of Christmas's ago. Well we all wanted to try it out. As for the bed in the middle of the living room.... haha! This was what grandpa was sleeping on while they were transitioning with the move. It was so funny - Jason was eating apple pie and drinking milk while getting his legs and feet massaged, haha!

Here's Sara trying it out for herself. Do you approve of this one Sara?? It's definately a good angle, ha!

The boys talking with Grandpa -he loves Jason and loves talking about his past - old cars, the wars he fought in, and his family. What an amazing man! I love you grandpa!

Mom taking her turn on the famous "living room bed" :) I think we've all decided to leave it there for a while!

While Jason was on his hike this past weekend with the scouts, Chelsi invited me and a few other girls to Jesterz, a comedy improv club. We had a blast!

We ate dinner at SAUCE down in Scottsdale before the show. The food was yummy! Me, Chelsi, and Karin.

Sara and Chelsea striking a pose :)

This salad was delicious! Chopped turkey, tomatoes, feta cheese, avocado, and a vinegarette dressing.

Kasey, Sara, Chelsea, Chelsi, me, Karin


I love girls nights!!

And I'm so glad to have my Jason back home. More pictures to follow of his 25 mile hike!


PS - We hopefully will be booking our vacation this week! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

Totally random...

I'm not going to even begin to explain myself - where I've been or what I've been doing and why I haven't updated my blog. I'm just a bad blogger! haha But hear is but another attempt to press forward, and turn over a new leaf to be better. So here are some totally random pictures from the past few months (or longer) that I thought I would put on here to just give a brief update on what Jason and I have been up to.

We are doing pretty fantastic! We have jobs, a roof over our heads, and food to eat. We are very blessed and I feel so grateful!

This first picture is of my recent favorite find - bountiful baskets. I LOVE IT!! I went 2 weeks ago and got my first basket and couldn't believe the amount of FRESH produce I got. It's wonderful! I'm going again tomorrow to get my 2nd one :) And all for $15!

When Angela came down to shoot a wedding, all of us girls went to Oregano's and had such a fun time. I love my sisters!

A short time after my surgery, my wonderful friend Hailey came and picked me up, and we went down to our old stomping grounds in Phx where we used to work at the dental office. We went to Chevy's and met our co-worker Jeannie. It was a fun day!

One of my dear friends from high school came to visit from Idaho, and it was so fun to get together with Misha again and visit. We met up at Fajitas, one of our favorite places, and chatted for a couple of hours while her kids played. They are such cuties!!

Here is my handsome husband after ward temple night a couple months ago. We went to Applebee's after and had appetizers. It was fun to be out together!

Here is Jason and his favorite baby - Ava. He calls her Awva - Oh Awva! This is quite a while ago, but I had to put it on because Jason is just smitten with this cute little angel. Thanks Hill for sharing your girls with us!!

Jason and Aaron after being stranded just shortly after a campout with the scouts. They are such troopers! I came and picked them up and we got Aaron and new tire for his truck.

We had such a fun 4th of July. We went to my dad's house and brought Sara and Craig along with us. We swam, had yummy food and hung out with the fam. Then later on we drove back to Chandler and went to see fireworks at Tumbleweed park. We had some fabulous funnel cakes too. Nothing like carni - food! haha

Jason outside on my dad's back patio on 4th of July.

My devil child on a lazy summer day. This sums it up! haha

Jason and the boys getting ready for an all day adventure of golf. They drove 1 hr each way to Florence and then golfed in this miserable heat. They sure do love golf!

So things I'm looking forward to -

Angela having the baby - very soon!!

Finally picking a place for our vacation in September! hhhmm....

Our family coming from Iowa to spend a week in November, can't wait!

Well until next time....

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY BABY SIS!

Today is my baby sister Aubrianna's birthday, and she is 21! I can't believe it! It seems like it was just yesterday that I was changing her diapers - I guess that shows how old I am, haha!!

Annie is beautiful inside and out. She is so talented - she basically has taught herself how to play the piano and guitar (she plays Rachmaninoff!). She is athletic, has the most gorgeous smile, loves people, especially her family. Annie is one of the most sincere, spiritual, kind, strong, and independent people I have ever met. She is such an example to me of the person I want to be. She stands true ALWAYS to what she believes in, has hight morals and values, and has a deep testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She is a wonderful friend, sister, granddaughter, and aunt!

She is finishing up her junior year at BYU and later this month will be coming back home for about 6 weeks and I can't wait! I have been missing our late night chats on my bed, mashed potatoes, and her staying the night with me when Jason's gone so I'm not scared :)

I love you Annie, and have missed you sooo much! I can't wait to see you :)

The Lord knew...

Just a quick post tonight about how I am feeling. I went to the Easter pageant tonight at the Mesa temple with the Young Men and Young Women and it was really great and uplifting. Sitting there reflecting on the life of Jesus Christ, I was thinking about how the Lord knows all things, and then it hit me... How easy it was for me to walk from the car to the grassy area of the temple tonight, and how I didn't cringe while getting in and out of the car and how I was able to sit on a hard chair and didn't feel pain and wasn't uncomfortable. Wow, I SOO appreciate my body, and the Lord sure knew what he was doing when He created us. He knew that we would have to recover from physical hardships. It's amazing what a miracle the human body is and the healing powers that it has. I feel so grateful!

I'm back!!

So I know, I know, it's been FOREVER!! I have definately had an interesting year so far. I can't believe that on Wed. next week it will be APRIL! Spring is here and it feels WONDERFUL in Phoenix :)

I have debated whether to blog about my latest experience and trial that I have been going through, but I have decided that I will. Who knows, it just may help someone else....because I know that I have been helped along the way SO MUCH by others' experiences.

On Feb. 16, 2009, I found out that I was pregnant and that we were expecting our first child. I couldn't believe it! After YEARS of trying, you can imagine how elated Jason and I both were. All week long, that's all we could talk about - planning, imagining, and hoping for all things good for our new little bundle.

5 days later I had some pain and spotting and knew something wasn't right. I called my doctor, who is an AMAZING man, and he told me to come in the next day for an ultrasound. By then I was 6 weeks along and he said that we may even be able to hear a heartbeat if everything was ok.

Well, when they did the ultrasound, there was nothing in my uterus. They were puzzled. They then checked the ovaries and fallopian tubes, and saw a large mass on my left tube. The Dr. told me that it wasn't good news. In one sentence my life would change. He said, "It looks like the pregnancy is ectopic (tubal), and we will have to operate to remove the fetus and we have to do it tonight because this is life threatening to YOU."

I haven't cried that hard in a LONG time. I was admitted to Banner Desert hospital about 2 hours later and had a c-section type surgery at about 9pm that night on Mon. Feb 23rd.

Just to explain, an ectopic or tubal pregnancy is when the embryo attaches to the inside of the fallopian tube instead of floating down to inside the uterus and attaching there like it's supposed to. As the fetus begins to grow, the tube expands like a balloon. This is why I was feeling sharp stabbing pains. Sometimes, the tube can actually rupture and you could bleed internally. If not caught in time, it can be deadly.

That night before the surgery, a sweet friend and her husband came to the hospital so he and Jason could give me a blessing. I felt such peace and comfort from the blessing, knowing that my Heavenly Father was aware of my situation, and would take care of me. The one thing that stood out to me in the blessing was that "angels will assist the Dr's with your surgery, and all will go well." He also blessed me to have patience and that we would have our children in the Lord's time.

The surgery went extremely well. In fact, a 45 minute surgery turned into an almost 2 hour one because the doctor found a few more things - a few blockages on the OTHER tube, and a couple uterine cysts that he was able to remove as well.

One thing that Jason said to me before the surgery was, it's just hard thinking about a baby being in there, but just being in the wrong place. :(

THE GOOD NEWS!! Yes, I will ALWAYS look for the good news in everything! My wonderful Dr. was able to save BOTH tubes, which is so great! It will take 6 months for everything to heal fully and properly, but now I will have 2 unblocked tubes. This could've been the problem in the first place.

I have learned a TREMENDOUS amount during this difficult trial. I have learned PATIENCE - especailly while trying to recover from a major surgery. It's amazing that after this long, I could still be weak and very sore. I have learned APPRECIATION - for an amazing Dr. who fixed me, for medical technologies, and kind nurses who took care of my for 3 days at the hospital. I also have a new appreciation for my mom and the fact that she had 5 c-sections. I have learned to LEARN FROM OTHERS EXPERIENCES - I keep asking her, how did you recover from major surgery with other little kids running around? Were you ever normal again? She always laughs and tells me yes! I promise you will! The other thing that amazes me, is how many women have gone through this and have had miscarriages and they go on to have as many kids as they want! I have been comforted by ALL those who have shared their experiences of surgery, ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages, and losing pregnancies for whatever reason. I thank the Lord everyday for the comfort that I am not alone in this. I have learned that THERE ARE ANGELS AMONG US - that are not only from the other side of the veil, but all around us here on earth. My angels have been my family, my sweet friends, my co-workers, my ward family, and all others who have been there for both Jason and I. I have learned that I am GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT I HAVE! I could never thank everyone enough for the phone calls, flowers, cards, emails, visits, dinners, and everything else that has helped carry me through this time. I am going to be stronger for it, and I couldn't have done it without all those around me who I love.

I have learned that I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND - J has been there for me through all of this. It broke my heart more, knowing his heart was breaking into pieces as was mine. But we have even grown closer because of it. Jason stayed with me all 3 days in the hospital and slept on the uncomfortable recliner for both nights in my tiny room so I wouldn't have to be alone. That meant more to me than he will ever know. I love him so much and couldn't imagine going through this without him.

I have complete HOPE and FAITH that we will have the family we so desire one day, and it will be so sweet.