Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Lord knew...

Just a quick post tonight about how I am feeling. I went to the Easter pageant tonight at the Mesa temple with the Young Men and Young Women and it was really great and uplifting. Sitting there reflecting on the life of Jesus Christ, I was thinking about how the Lord knows all things, and then it hit me... How easy it was for me to walk from the car to the grassy area of the temple tonight, and how I didn't cringe while getting in and out of the car and how I was able to sit on a hard chair and didn't feel pain and wasn't uncomfortable. Wow, I SOO appreciate my body, and the Lord sure knew what he was doing when He created us. He knew that we would have to recover from physical hardships. It's amazing what a miracle the human body is and the healing powers that it has. I feel so grateful!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I'm back!!

So I know, I know, it's been FOREVER!! I have definately had an interesting year so far. I can't believe that on Wed. next week it will be APRIL! Spring is here and it feels WONDERFUL in Phoenix :)

I have debated whether to blog about my latest experience and trial that I have been going through, but I have decided that I will. Who knows, it just may help someone else....because I know that I have been helped along the way SO MUCH by others' experiences.

On Feb. 16, 2009, I found out that I was pregnant and that we were expecting our first child. I couldn't believe it! After YEARS of trying, you can imagine how elated Jason and I both were. All week long, that's all we could talk about - planning, imagining, and hoping for all things good for our new little bundle.

5 days later I had some pain and spotting and knew something wasn't right. I called my doctor, who is an AMAZING man, and he told me to come in the next day for an ultrasound. By then I was 6 weeks along and he said that we may even be able to hear a heartbeat if everything was ok.
Well, when they did the ultrasound, there was nothing in my uterus. They were puzzled. They then checked the ovaries and fallopian tubes, and saw a large mass on my left tube. The Dr. told me that it wasn't good news. In one sentence my life would change. He said, "It looks like the pregnancy is ectopic (tubal), and we will have to operate to remove the fetus and we have to do it tonight because this is life threatening to YOU."

I haven't cried that hard in a LONG time. I was admitted to Banner Desert hospital about 2 hours later and had a c-section type surgery at about 9pm that night on Mon. Feb 23rd.

Just to explain, an ectopic or tubal pregnancy is when the embryo attaches to the inside of the fallopian tube instead of floating down to inside the uterus and attaching there like it's supposed to. As the fetus begins to grow, the tube expands like a balloon. This is why I was feeling sharp stabbing pains. Sometimes, the tube can actually rupture and you could bleed internally. If not caught in time, it can be deadly.

That night before the surgery, a sweet friend and her husband came to the hospital so he and Jason could give me a blessing. I felt such peace and comfort from the blessing, knowing that my Heavenly Father was aware of my situation, and would take care of me. The one thing that stood out to me in the blessing was that "angels will assist the Dr's with your surgery, and all will go well." He also blessed me to have patience and that we would have our children in the Lord's time.
The surgery went extremely well. In fact, a 45 minute surgery turned into an almost 2 hour one because the doctor found a few more things - a few blockages on the OTHER tube, and a couple uterine cysts that he was able to remove as well.

One thing that Jason said to me before the surgery was, it's just hard thinking about a baby being in there, but just being in the wrong place. :(

THE GOOD NEWS!! Yes, I will ALWAYS look for the good news in everything! My wonderful Dr. was able to save BOTH tubes, which is so great! It will take 6 months for everything to heal fully and properly, but now I will have 2 unblocked tubes. This could've been the problem in the first place.

I have learned a TREMENDOUS amount during this difficult trial. I have learned PATIENCE - especailly while trying to recover from a major surgery. It's amazing that after this long, I could still be weak and very sore. I have learned APPRECIATION - for an amazing Dr. who fixed me, for medical technologies, and kind nurses who took care of my for 3 days at the hospital. I also have a new appreciation for my mom and the fact that she had 5 c-sections. I have learned to LEARN FROM OTHERS EXPERIENCES - I keep asking her, how did you recover from major surgery with other little kids running around? Were you ever normal again? She always laughs and tells me yes! I promise you will! The other thing that amazes me, is how many women have gone through this and have had miscarriages and they go on to have as many kids as they want! I have been comforted by ALL those who have shared their experiences of surgery, ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages, and losing pregnancies for whatever reason. I thank the Lord everyday for the comfort that I am not alone in this. I have learned that THERE ARE ANGELS AMONG US - that are not only from the other side of the veil, but all around us here on earth. My angels have been my family, my sweet friends, my co-workers, my ward family, and all others who have been there for both Jason and I. I have learned that I am GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT I HAVE! I could never thank everyone enough for the phone calls, flowers, cards, emails, visits, dinners, and everything else that has helped carry me through this time. I am going to be stronger for it, and I couldn't have done it without all those around me who I love.

I have learned that I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND - J has been there for me through all of this. It broke my heart more, knowing his heart was breaking into pieces as was mine. But we have even grown closer because of it. Jason stayed with me all 3 days in the hospital and slept on the uncomfortable recliner for both nights in my tiny room so I wouldn't have to be alone. That meant more to me than he will ever know. I love him so much and couldn't imagine going through this without him.

I have complete HOPE and FAITH that we will have the family we so desire one day, and it will be so sweet.